Jokes and Riddles

Redbeard

Well-Known Member
Since today's PI day (March 14) here are several from Reader's Diegest:

What happens when you put a root Beer in a Square glass?
It just becomes beer.
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Why do mathematicians like parks?
Because of all the natural logs.
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Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
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Why should you never mention the number 288 to a Mathematician?
Because it's just to gross.
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Why was the math lecture SO long?
Because the professor kept going off on a tangent.
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What's the best way to woo a Mathematician?
Use acute angle.
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What do you need to grow your trigonometry skills?
Square roots.
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What kind of snake does your math teacher have?
A pi-thon.
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Where should you do your math homework?
On a multiplication table.
 

HARDTRAILZ

Moderator
What do you call a frog spy?
A croak and dagger agent!

What do you call a school where all the students are undercover?
Spy High.

What is a snowman's favorite game?
Ice Spy with my little eye...

What does a secret agent use for birth control?
His personality.

Why was the special agent sleeping on the job?
He was under cover.

Why can't you trust baked goods during the holidays?
It might be a minced spy.
 

Mooseman

Moderator
An English lawyer went duck hunting in The Dales. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied: "This is my property and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said: "I am one of the best trial lawyers in England and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said: "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Yorkshire. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'

The lawyer asked: "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"

The Farmer replied: "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!

His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pat.

Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said: "Okay you old fart. Now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said: "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
 

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