Jokes and Riddles

[fletch09]

Investment Opportunity:


Thought you might want to
consider getting on board early....

A British Engineer just started his own business in
Afghanistan.

He's making land mines that look like prayer
mats.

It's doing well. He says prophets are going
through the roof.

 

[Hypnotoad]

What's the cheapest kind of meat?

Deer testicles, they're under a Buck.

 

[mcsteven]

The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

(I asked Siri to tell me a joke. That was the joke that I got.)

 

[BlazingTrails]

Hello? Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is mommy near the phone?
No, daddy. Shes upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul. After a brief pause,
daddy says but honey you don't have an Uncle Paul.
Oh yes I do, & hes upstairs in the room with mommy right now. Brief pause.
Uh OK then I want you to put the phone down & run upstairs & knock on the door & shout to mommy that daddys car just pulled up.
OK daddy just a min. A few min later the lil girl comes back to the phone. I did it daddy.
And what happened honey? Well mommy got scared, jumped outta bed naked & ran round screaming then tripped on the rug, hit her head on the dresser & now she isn't moving at all!
OMG!!! What bout your uncle Paul?
He jumped outta the back window into the pool. But I guess he didnt know you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of it & I think hes dead! Real long pause!
Then daddy says, Swimming pool? Is this 486-5732?
Lil girl says No I think you have the wrong number

 

[djthumper]

 

[BlazingTrails]

 

[mcsteven]

Two-part joke

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the stupid guy's house.

Knock knock. Who's there? The Chicken.

 

[fletch09]

I woke up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The
doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't
remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway.
You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and
everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident
and we couldn't find it."
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I groaned, but the doctor goes on, "You have
$9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the
technology to build a new penis. They work great but they
don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."
I perked up. "So," the doctor says, "You must
decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you
have been married for over thirty years and this is
something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a
five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a
bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide
to only invest in a five incher now, she might be
disappointed.
It's important that she plays a role in helping you make
a decision."
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I agreed to talk it over with my wife.
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The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you
spoken with your wife?"
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"Yes I have.
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"And has she helped you make a decision?"
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"Yes"
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"What is your decision?" says the doctor
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"We're getting granite counter tops"

 

[HARDTRAILZ]

How for you make a tissue dance?







Put a lil boogie in it!

 

[AManders6]

A fight broke out at the local camp ground........ I heard it was in tents

 

[Sir ffeJ]

Two guys walk into a bar, you'd think one of them would have seen it.

 

[AManders6]

Its punny

 

[Wooluf1952]

A German tourist walks into a bar and orders a martini.
Bartender asks, "Dry?"
Tourist says, "No, just one."

 

[AManders6]

Why is it always a bad idea to shoot a bald eagle? Because its ill-eagle

 

[northcreek]

Suicide bomber school

 

[northcreek]

DRINKING AND HUNTING...

 

[fletch09]

picture of your first sex partner in a thong:

 

[HARDTRAILZ]

I once had a friend who had a job circumcising elephants.

The pay was lousy, but the tips were huge.

 

[Ghost]

picture of your first sex partner in a thong:

Ahahahah epic.

I got one for us short stacks

 

[HARDTRAILZ]

 

[northcreek]

I once had a friend who had a job circumcising elephants.

The pay was lousy, but the tips were huge.

I knew a guy who had a similar job...he got five skins a week and a chance to get a head....

 

[Denali n DOO]

A lady walks into a BMW dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady With, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?" He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price."

 

[northcreek]

A man enjoying a beer with his wife says " I love you so much that I don't think that I could live without you"......the wife replies " is that you or the beer talking?"... the husband replies " no it's me talking to the beer"....

 

[northcreek]

AN IRISHMAN'S FIRST DRINK WITH HIS SON

I was reading an article last night about fathers and
sons and memories came flooding back of the time
I took my son out for his first drink.

Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house. I got him a Miller Genuine. He didn't like it – so I drank it.

Then I got him an Old Style, he didn't like that either, so I drank
it. It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.

By the time we got done with the Irish whiskey, I could
hardly push the stroller back home.

 

[fletch09]

HOW OLD GUYS CAN PICK UP WOMEN:


















I am now getting on in years and not the best looking guy anymore.


Some would even say I'm a little frayed around the edges....















































































But, I have a nice car, a little money, and I spend most of my time casually traveling from place to place and enjoying life.








[SIZE=16pt] [/SIZE]




















I met a nice looking girl in a park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us.








[SIZE=16pt] [/SIZE]




















All of a sudden, she did this cute little dance, then immediately dropped to her knees and lay on the grass at my feet.








[SIZE=16pt] [/SIZE]




















As we lay there making love, I thought...








[SIZE=16pt] [/SIZE]





[SIZE=16pt] [/SIZE]








"Wow, these Taser guns are really worth the money!"

 

[BlazingTrails]

[SIZE=10pt]The Theory[/SIZE][SIZE=10pt] [/SIZE][SIZE=10pt]of[/SIZE][SIZE=10pt] [/SIZE][SIZE=10pt]Intelligence[/SIZE][SIZE=10pt] [/SIZE]
I don't think I've ever heard the concept explained any better than this [SIZE=10pt].[/SIZE][SIZE=10pt]

[/SIZE]

'Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'

 

[mcsteven]

The lady is going through the frozen turkeys looking for something larger. She sees a stockboy and asks, "do these turkeys get any bigger?" He looks at her and says, "no ma'am. They're dead."

 

[mcsteven]

A U.S.Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"

A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work.

A Captain said it was 50%-50%.

A lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for his opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.

The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?

"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."

The room fell silent. God Bless the enlisted man.

 

[BlazingTrails]

- A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

- The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

- Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

- A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

- A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

- What's a turkey's favorite song? "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas"

- A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”

- A man asks, “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?” God responded, ”So you would love her.” The man asks, “But God, why did you make her so dumb?” God replied, “So she would love you.”

- A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl…"

- A boy asks his dad, “What’s the difference between potential and realistic?” The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer. The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, “A million dollars is a lot of money sweetheart. I could send you, your sister, and your brother to great colleges, so sure, I would!” He then goes and asks his sister to which she replies, “Brad Pitt? Hell ya, he’s the hottest guy ever!” Next, the boy asks his brother who replies, “A million dollars? Hell yes I would. I’d be rich!” When the boy excitedly returns to his dad with the family’s responses, the dad says, “Well son, potentially, we have three million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts and a queer.”

 

[BlazingTrails]

- A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The salesgirl notices him and asks if she can help him. He answers that he looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?" "You see it's like this." He says. "Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, I figure, if I have to roll my own, SO DOES SHE !"


A couple is doing yard work and the wife goes to take a shower. her husband is looking for a rake and can't find it. He yells up to his wife, 'Where's the rake?' She replies by nodding her arms like she can't hear. So he points to his eye (I), hits his knee (need), then makes raking motions. She replies by; pointing to her eye , grabbing her left breast ,slaps her ass, then rubs her crotch. He runs up stairs and says, 'What?' She says, 'I left tit behind the bush.'

 

[Sib]

A mom is in the kitchen when she looks out the window and sees her son kick a pig on their farm. When the son walks in the house the mom tells the son he is not allowed to have bacon for a week.

The next day day the mom catches her son kicking a cow on their farm. When the son walks in the mom tells him he is not allowed to have steak for a week.

When the dad gets home from work that day he kicks the family cat. The boy then looks at his mom and says, "you wanna tell him or should I?"

 

[BlazingTrails]

One Liners....Enjoy


- If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

- Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

- Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

- War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

- Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

- If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

- Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

- Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

- Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

- A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

- Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

- Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

- The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

- A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

- Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

- I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

 

[mcsteven]

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in an arrogant manner that he was a lawyer, and threatened what would happen to her if she let them thaw out.

Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin: "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?" Not one hand went up ...so she took them home and ate them!

There are two lessons here: 1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are. 2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think.

 

[mcsteven]

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to
the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper
Peninsula of Michigan.

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk
shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all
that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would
all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert
it to their religion.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had
various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.

'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found
him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.

Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So
I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God,
he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give
him first communion and confirmation.'

Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist, spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one
arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.

In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you
KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And
then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted
nothing to do with me.

So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP
another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him
and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as
a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.
Hallelujah!

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in
a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors
running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.

The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have
been the best way to start."

 

[BlazingTrails]

- A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

- Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

- Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?" In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00." Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?" "That's obvious," the saleslady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."

- An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and in the center of the tomb there’s a lamp. He picks it up, and as he starts to rub the dirt off of it, a genie comes out of the lamp and says, “I want to know the person you hate the most.” The explorer says, “That’s gotta be my ex-wife. Why?” “I am a cursed genie. I will grant you three wishes, but whatever you wish for, your ex-wife will get double that amount.” “Okay, I wish for a billion dollars.” “Granted, but you ex-wife gets two billion dollars.” “I wish for a mansion in California with a swimming pool, and tennis courts, everything.” “Granted, and your ex-wife gets two." "Now make your final wish.” The explorer walks around for a few minutes, returns to the genie with a stick, and says, “You see this stick? I’d like you to beat me half to death.”

 

[northcreek]

CATHOLIC GOLF

A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare Afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf.

The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "Shit, I missed."

The good Sister told him to watch his language.

On his next swing, he missed again. "Shit, I missed."

"Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," The nun said tartly.. The priest promised to do better and the round continued.

On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed.

Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that.."

On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. "Shit, I missed."

A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of
Lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks.

And from the Sky above comes a Booming Voice. .. ..

"Shit, I missed!!"

 

[BlazingTrails]

- It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?" "Well," she replied, "now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!"

- Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?" Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your ass!"

- In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

- At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

 

[danj]

This is a conversation we had with Onstar last year. After a previous conversation with them we were informed that the response group is located in California where they have never even had the thought of driving on the ice.

This time of year we have about 16" of ice on the lakes. As long as you don't try to do 70mph you can drive your truck across the lake. So we decided it would be fun to mess with them a little bit.

Onstar: "How can I assist you today"

Me: " I think I'm lost. Can you locate where I am and direct me to the nearest highway?"

Onstar: " Not a problem. Let me look into that for you"

Wait a few seconds..........

Onstar: " Um sir? ........"(under their breath)" this can't be right".....

Me: "Yes"

Onstar: (With panic in her voice) "Sir its showing here that your vehicle is located in the middle of the lake. Do you need us to send someone out to help you?!"

Me: " No, I just need to know how to get to the highway"

That's when we started driving back.

Onstar: " Sir, the system is showing me you're driving across the lake. I'll have to have someone look into why our location for your vehicle is coming up wrong"

Me: " I am driving across the lake. I just need to know what road to take to get to I-35"

Onstar: "I don't understand. How are you driving across the lake"

Me: " Have you ever seen the Da vinci Code? I'm a descendant of the J man. I'm too lazy to walk out here so I figured I would just drive my truck"

Onstar: "Um, Alright.................well if you go to the road strait in front of you and turn left....... (she finished giving directions to the freeway)"

Me: " Bless you. I appreciate the help"

Onstar: " Uhh.......uh......umm.......uh oh thank you sir for choosing Onstar"


It took the most self control I have ever had not to burst out laughing. I wish I could have been there when someone informed here that people can drive across the lakes here when they freeze. I'm willing to bet I missed out on a huge face-palm moment. With the amount of entertainment I got I'm not upset at all for having to pay for the service. Worth every penny.

 

[mcsteven]

Three Marines died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The LCPL fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The LTCOL reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The old Gunny started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The Gunny replied, 'These are Carols.'

 

[mcsteven]

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines to Chicago . The little boy had been looking out of the window. He turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother couldn't think of an answer. She told her son to ask the flight attendant.

He went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The busy flight attendant smiled and asked the boy, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"

The boy replied, "Yes, she did."

"Well," said the flight attendant, "you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you."