Jokes and Riddles

Redbeard

Member
Jan 26, 2013
3,451
2464994.gif
 

flyboy2610

Member
Aug 24, 2021
456
Lincoln, Ne.
Just remember: If you don't go to other peoples funerals they won't go to yours.
Shortly before he died Stan Laurel (of Laurel & Hardy) told his nurse "Now, you tell everyone that if anyone cries at my funeral I'll never speak to them again."
 

Mooseman

Moderator
Dec 4, 2011
25,178
Ottawa, ON
I had a phone conversation today with a very nice young chap from Pakistan. This is how it went:
"Hello sir, how are you today?"
"I'm very well, thank you for asking. And how are you? And, more to the point, WHO are you?"
"Sir, my name is Sanjit, and I'm calling you from Microsoft".
"Microsoft, eh? Is that a city in Pakistan? How's the weather there today?"
"No, sir - MICROSOFT, the computer company. I'm calling to tell you that we have found a problem with your computer and -"
"REALLY?? Well, that's quite concerning......"
"Yes sir, it can become very serious indeed, but thankfully I will be able to fix it for you. Now, if you -"
"No, I meant it's very concerning because you see I don't HAVE a computer".
"You don't?"
"I don't".
"Ahh, it must be a problem on your laptop sir -"
"Don't have one".
"Ipad?"
"Nope".
"Tablet?"
"Nope, I have none of those things. As a matter of fact, I don't even have a telephone".
After a few seconds of silence he said, "Ah, sir, you are lying to me now!"
I said, "Well, you started it!!" and put the phone down.
 

mrrsm

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Oct 22, 2015
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Tampa Bay Area
I bet I’m Faster…

Verunn… Verunnn...
Verunn… Verunnn…

Yeah… You ain’t got NOTHIN’ on this “5.3”...

 

mrrsm

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Oct 22, 2015
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For Freddy... Who Must Be Going...

 

mrrsm

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Oct 22, 2015
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OMG This Gurl... is HANGRY!

I Worked 10 HOURS!
All I Want is WINGSTOP
All I Want is WINGSTOP
F****NG DRIVE!

*Getting a Little Excessive…*


I’m F****NG STARVING, Squid…
What Did YOU Eat Today?
I ATE NOTHING!, NOTHING!
NOTHING!, NOTHING!
NOTHING!, NOTHING!



Let's Add Some BASS!


...AND... Based upon HER "FOOD KAREN MELT-DOWN" AMMA GET ME ONE-AH DEEZ...!!!

wingstop.jpg
 
Last edited:

Mooseman

Moderator
Dec 4, 2011
25,178
Ottawa, ON
picard-meme-facepalm.jpg
 

TollKeeper

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Dec 3, 2011
8,028
Brighton, CO
Not sure how... But that stuff works great! Use it all the time on my littles.
 
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Mooseman

Moderator
Dec 4, 2011
25,178
Ottawa, ON
Just about as good as...

0078148504404


:laugh:
 

mrrsm

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Oct 22, 2015
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I DARE You… NOT to LAUGH at this Woman,


And for The Great James Brown… RIP, Brother…

 
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mrrsm

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Oct 22, 2015
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Tampa Bay Area
What do you call the place you should NEVER venture inside of on a RFNO? (Regular Friday Night Out)?

The FUBAR & GRILL

Let’s itemize the reasons why in no particular order:

(1) There is never enough Parking.
(2) There is only one TV Set and it’s kept on The Weather Channel.
(3) The ratio of M2F is 10 to 1 in favor of men.
(4) The Dance Floor is the Size of a Ukelele Pick and it’s always Sticky.
(5) The Bar Tender is THE Drunkest Dude in the Joint.
(6) The Waitresses all wear Head Sets and cannot speak a WORD of English.
(7) There is only One Waitress.
(8) The Fire Department shows up right after you’ve ordered your Hamburger & Fries Platter.
(9) There are NO GM or GMC Vehicles anywhere in the Parking Lot.
(10) An Ice Cream Truck always shows up at closing time and blocks the exit.
(11) Your Hamburger & Fries Platter never arrives intact.
(12) Your Hamburger & Fries Platters… Never Arrive.
 

mrrsm

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Oct 22, 2015
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What do you call a Dog... That can "Do MAGIC"...?

A L-Abra-Ca-Dabra-Dor...
 

Redbeard

Member
Jan 26, 2013
3,451
not really a joke or riddle, but what to watch carefully for while you are doing repair, from Oct 2023 Rock Auto monthly news "Mistakes and Blunders". This could be any one of us.

Repair Mistakes & Blunders
Repair Mistakes & Blunders


Several years ago, my daughter's 2007 Ford Crown Victoria's fuel pump failed. She got a replacement pump rather then the complete fuel pump and sender assembly as a cost savings. Everything went smoothly disconnecting and lowering the half-full tank from the car. We removed the pump and sender unit and proceeded to remove the bad pump from the assembly. Due to the difficulty of removing the mounting clamp holding the old pump, I decided to remove the sender assembly with its arm and float from the unit to prevent bending it. Once the new pump was in place, I reinstalled the sender assembly, and we buttoned the tank up and reinstalled it to the car. We were both feeling good about the job after getting the car back on the ground and reconnecting the battery. The car started right up and ran great.
About three days later, my daughter asked me if I had gassed the car up for her because she noticed the tank was near full, and it had been at half when we changed the pump. The next day, she called to let me know the car would not start. She quickly figured out my error, put gas in the car, and it started right up. I had installed the sender assembly (the electronics are with the float) upside down! Since the tank was half empty, when we did the job the fuel gauge was where I had expected it to be. When we get a chance, we will fix it, but for now she drives her car with the gauge reading empty on a full tank.

 

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