Jokes and Riddles

on youtube:
Vince the Sign Guy:

I married my wife
for her looks,

but not the ones
I'm getting lately.
============================
I put grandma
on Speed Dial
I call that
Instagram
 
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My FAVORITE "Three On A Match" Military Scenario...

"Da... Vun Tu Steer...Vun Tu Nahvigate.. andt... Vun tu PUSHKIN..."

ONE2STEERONE2NAVIGATEANDONE2PUSH.jpg
 
For anyone who needs to leave an "out of the office message" or out of town message, think about using this note next time:

Funny-Out-of-Office-Messages-3-GettyImages2-v2.jpg
 
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I see 3 of the 4 most expensive things in that picture..

Women
Gas
Car

And the forth... House/\
 
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Used to have a Physical Abilities Requirements Exam (PARE) test. I just told them "hey, at least I'm shaped like a pear" :dielaugh:
 
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Not so much as joke or riddle, but in this months RockAuto "Mistakes & Blunders" is this:
July 2024.

Repair Mistakes & Blunders
Repair Mistakes & Blunders

The fuel gauge in my 1963½ Ford Galaxie quit working due to a bad ground on a rusty body, but it was an easy fix. I simply attached a ground wire with sheet metal screws, from the metal lip on the edge of the gas tank to anywhere there was clean metal on the underside of the body. Problem solved.
The following winter, after a snowstorm, I had a flat tire. I proceeded to change the tire, and as I tried to remove the spare from the trunk, I found that it wouldn’t budge. Assuming that it was frozen to the trunk floor, I used a crowbar to pry it loose. When it finally broke free, I heard a loud hissing and discovered that I had driven one of those sheet metal screws up through the trunk floor and into the sidewall of the spare tire. Obvious lesson learned.
 

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