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Likes wearing thongs on his head when racing snails.
 
Is the owner to that site and invites others to join him.
 
Boycotts toilet paper and uses his underwear to wipe.
 
Gives himself swirlies daily to style his hair
 
Gives himself back rubs.
 
Occasionally goes flyfishing in the desert
 
Can fling toe jam 12 feet with his hammer toe.
 
Built a house out of straw
 
Made his own run-flat tires by filling them with cement.
 
Blames everything on his twin brother that hasn't seen the light of day since 1993.
 
While out shopping today he saw a snooty looking women at the grocery store, and he pretended to need something and to say and said, "excuse me, do you work here?" just to help keep things real.
 
Imports Oriental rugs…sells the finest toupees made in hong kong.
LOL, Hong Kong is a 30 min flight from my current location.

Buys those rugs at twice the value and jacks the price 10% to sell to others.
 
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Tried to put a live beaver as a hat on his head.
 
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Is a huge fan of beavers
 
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Loves eating beaver.
 
Uses condor eggs to make omelets
 
Put an ad in the personals with his picture with "need a companion" as the headline and a golden retriever showed up.
 
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Once got whooped in a female MMA fight
 
Catalogs each blade of grass he cuts and puts them in storage big ass commercial freezer "just in case...."
 
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Trailblazer owner: "The trailblazer is making a weird knocking noise, Mooseman."

TB owner: What does it sound like to you?..."

Mooseman : "OPPORTUNITY."
 
Once got whooped in a female MMA fight
It wasn't fair, she warmed up on you and I was laughing too hard.

Trailblazer owner: "The trailblazer is making a weird knocking noise, Mooseman."

TB owner: What does it sound like to you?..."

Mooseman : "OPPORTUNITY."

Loves messing with Moose sausage.
 
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They also recovered Redbeard's baby picture.red beard as a child.PNG
 
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Loves to eat yellow snow
 
Once ate 43 cheeseburgers to win a contest in girlscouts
 
Once had his feathers removed by Smurfs. They used them to tar and feather Gargamel.
 
Calls 911 on the neighbors for not mowing their lawn
 
Did three pushups and passed out cold from exertion
 
chick.jpg

Drives around with binoculars scoping out the chicks.
 
Lives off bacon and budweiser so he will likely live forever

upload_2017-7-14_8-39-51.jpeg
 
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