From an email sent to me:
and down in the Man Cave:
and down in the Man Cave:
Jokes and Riddles
- Thread starter DucatiSS
- Start date
Did you hear about the husband complaining about tripping over his wife's bra in the bathroom? She replied back to him with "I told you the bathroom was booby-trapped."
Seen on a bumper sticker:
Reasons to thank a farmer:
Because without the farmer
you would be hungry,
you would be naked,
and you would be sober.
Reasons to thank a farmer:
Because without the farmer
you would be hungry,
you would be naked,
and you would be sober.
flyboy2610
Member
Just remember: If you don't go to other peoples funerals they won't go to yours.
Shortly before he died Stan Laurel (of Laurel & Hardy) told his nurse "Now, you tell everyone that if anyone cries at my funeral I'll never speak to them again."
Shortly before he died Stan Laurel (of Laurel & Hardy) told his nurse "Now, you tell everyone that if anyone cries at my funeral I'll never speak to them again."
Mooseman
Moderator
I had a phone conversation today with a very nice young chap from Pakistan. This is how it went:
"Hello sir, how are you today?"
"I'm very well, thank you for asking. And how are you? And, more to the point, WHO are you?"
"Sir, my name is Sanjit, and I'm calling you from Microsoft".
"Microsoft, eh? Is that a city in Pakistan? How's the weather there today?"
"No, sir - MICROSOFT, the computer company. I'm calling to tell you that we have found a problem with your computer and -"
"REALLY?? Well, that's quite concerning......"
"Yes sir, it can become very serious indeed, but thankfully I will be able to fix it for you. Now, if you -"
"No, I meant it's very concerning because you see I don't HAVE a computer".
"You don't?"
"I don't".
"Ahh, it must be a problem on your laptop sir -"
"Don't have one".
"Ipad?"
"Nope".
"Tablet?"
"Nope, I have none of those things. As a matter of fact, I don't even have a telephone".
After a few seconds of silence he said, "Ah, sir, you are lying to me now!"
I said, "Well, you started it!!" and put the phone down.
"Hello sir, how are you today?"
"I'm very well, thank you for asking. And how are you? And, more to the point, WHO are you?"
"Sir, my name is Sanjit, and I'm calling you from Microsoft".
"Microsoft, eh? Is that a city in Pakistan? How's the weather there today?"
"No, sir - MICROSOFT, the computer company. I'm calling to tell you that we have found a problem with your computer and -"
"REALLY?? Well, that's quite concerning......"
"Yes sir, it can become very serious indeed, but thankfully I will be able to fix it for you. Now, if you -"
"No, I meant it's very concerning because you see I don't HAVE a computer".
"You don't?"
"I don't".
"Ahh, it must be a problem on your laptop sir -"
"Don't have one".
"Ipad?"
"Nope".
"Tablet?"
"Nope, I have none of those things. As a matter of fact, I don't even have a telephone".
After a few seconds of silence he said, "Ah, sir, you are lying to me now!"
I said, "Well, you started it!!" and put the phone down.
flyboy2610
Member
Gary Larson, who wrote The Far Side, sure could nail it at times as he does here:
I bet I’m Faster…
Verunn… Verunnn...
Verunn… Verunnn…
Yeah… You ain’t got NOTHIN’ on this “5.3”...
Verunn… Verunnn...
Verunn… Verunnn…
Yeah… You ain’t got NOTHIN’ on this “5.3”...
OMG This Gurl... is HANGRY!
I Worked 10 HOURS!
All I Want is WINGSTOP…
All I Want is WINGSTOP…
F****NG DRIVE!
*Getting a Little Excessive…*
I’m F****NG STARVING, Squid…
What Did YOU Eat Today?
I ATE NOTHING!, NOTHING!
NOTHING!, NOTHING!
NOTHING!, NOTHING!
Let's Add Some BASS!
...AND... Based upon HER "FOOD KAREN MELT-DOWN" AMMA GET ME ONE-AH DEEZ...!!!
I Worked 10 HOURS!
All I Want is WINGSTOP…
All I Want is WINGSTOP…
F****NG DRIVE!
*Getting a Little Excessive…*
I’m F****NG STARVING, Squid…
What Did YOU Eat Today?
I ATE NOTHING!, NOTHING!
NOTHING!, NOTHING!
NOTHING!, NOTHING!
Let's Add Some BASS!
...AND... Based upon HER "FOOD KAREN MELT-DOWN" AMMA GET ME ONE-AH DEEZ...!!!
Last edited:
northcreek
Member
Mooseman
Moderator
Husband speaking to wife, "I would like you to have this bracelet my grandmother wore while she was still alive."
Wife looks at the bracelet and asks "why does it say "do not resuscitate"?
Wife looks at the bracelet and asks "why does it say "do not resuscitate"?
I can be a bit slow...,
but how did someone actually get paid for naming this product???
but how did someone actually get paid for naming this product???
flyboy2610
Member
Truth in advertising. It comes right out and says what it is!
Very ingenious, as well. Admit it: you're not likely to forget a name like that!
Mooseman
Moderator
northcreek
Member
flyboy2610
Member
What do you call the place you should NEVER venture inside of on a RFNO? (Regular Friday Night Out)?
The FUBAR & GRILL
Let’s itemize the reasons why in no particular order:
(1) There is never enough Parking.
(2) There is only one TV Set and it’s kept on The Weather Channel.
(3) The ratio of M2F is 10 to 1 in favor of men.
(4) The Dance Floor is the Size of a Ukelele Pick and it’s always Sticky.
(5) The Bar Tender is THE Drunkest Dude in the Joint.
(6) The Waitresses all wear Head Sets and cannot speak a WORD of English.
(7) There is only One Waitress.
(8) The Fire Department shows up right after you’ve ordered your Hamburger & Fries Platter.
(9) There are NO GM or GMC Vehicles anywhere in the Parking Lot.
(10) An Ice Cream Truck always shows up at closing time and blocks the exit.
(11) Your Hamburger & Fries Platter never arrives intact.
(12) Your Hamburger & Fries Platters… Never Arrive.
The FUBAR & GRILL
Let’s itemize the reasons why in no particular order:
(1) There is never enough Parking.
(2) There is only one TV Set and it’s kept on The Weather Channel.
(3) The ratio of M2F is 10 to 1 in favor of men.
(4) The Dance Floor is the Size of a Ukelele Pick and it’s always Sticky.
(5) The Bar Tender is THE Drunkest Dude in the Joint.
(6) The Waitresses all wear Head Sets and cannot speak a WORD of English.
(7) There is only One Waitress.
(8) The Fire Department shows up right after you’ve ordered your Hamburger & Fries Platter.
(9) There are NO GM or GMC Vehicles anywhere in the Parking Lot.
(10) An Ice Cream Truck always shows up at closing time and blocks the exit.
(11) Your Hamburger & Fries Platter never arrives intact.
(12) Your Hamburger & Fries Platters… Never Arrive.
I can't see any of us guy's doing this, but it is funny:
and for the gals this could happen
I better be careful so I don't do this, for I am 700 miles away from home.
and for the gals this could happen
I better be careful so I don't do this, for I am 700 miles away from home.
just in time for Halloween
your engine will love you for it
your engine will love you for it
What do you call a Dog... That can "Do MAGIC"...?
A L-Abra-Ca-Dabra-Dor...
A L-Abra-Ca-Dabra-Dor...
