Just remember: If you don't go to other peoples funerals they won't go to yours.
Shortly before he died Stan Laurel (of Laurel & Hardy) told his nurse "Now, you tell everyone that if anyone cries at my funeral I'll never speak to them again."
I had a phone conversation today with a very nice young chap from Pakistan. This is how it went:
"Hello sir, how are you today?"
"I'm very well, thank you for asking. And how are you? And, more to the point, WHO are you?"
"Sir, my name is Sanjit, and I'm calling you from Microsoft".
"Microsoft, eh? Is that a city in Pakistan? How's the weather there today?"
"No, sir - MICROSOFT, the computer company. I'm calling to tell you that we have found a problem with your computer and -"
"REALLY?? Well, that's quite concerning......"
"Yes sir, it can become very serious indeed, but thankfully I will be able to fix it for you. Now, if you -"
"No, I meant it's very concerning because you see I don't HAVE a computer".
"Ahh, it must be a problem on your laptop sir -"
"Don't have one".
"Nope, I have none of those things. As a matter of fact, I don't even have a telephone".
After a few seconds of silence he said, "Ah, sir, you are lying to me now!"
I said, "Well, you started it!!" and put the phone down.
What do you call the place you should NEVER venture inside of on a RFNO? (Regular Friday Night Out)?
The FUBAR & GRILL
Let’s itemize the reasons why in no particular order:
(1) There is never enough Parking.
(2) There is only one TV Set and it’s kept on The Weather Channel.
(3) The ratio of M2F is 10 to 1 in favor of men.
(4) The Dance Floor is the Size of a Ukelele Pick and it’s always Sticky.
(5) The Bar Tender is THE Drunkest Dude in the Joint.
(6) The Waitresses all wear Head Sets and cannot speak a WORD of English.
(7) There is only One Waitress.
(8) The Fire Department shows up right after you’ve ordered your Hamburger & Fries Platter.
(9) There are NO GM or GMC Vehicles anywhere in the Parking Lot.
(10) An Ice Cream Truck always shows up at closing time and blocks the exit.
(11) Your Hamburger & Fries Platter never arrives intact.
(12) Your Hamburger & Fries Platters… Never Arrive.