1) Tomorrow is the “National Homeschool Tornado Drill.” Lock your kids in the basement until you get the all clear.
2) I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.
3) 2019: Stay away from negative people.
2020: Stay away from positive people.
4) The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!
5) You think it’s bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people homeschooled by day drinkers.
6) This virus has done what no woman had been able to do: cancel all sports, shut down all bars, and keep men at home!
7) Do not call the police on suspicious people in your neighborhood! Those are your neighbors without makeup and hair extensions!
8) Since we can’t eat out, now’s the perfect time to eat better, get fit, and stay healthy. We’re quarantined! Who are we trying to impress? We have snacks, we have sweatpants – I say we wear them!
9) Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew up the furniture!”
10) Does anyone know if we can take showers yet, or should we just keep washing our hands?
11) I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6 foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
12) ME: Alexa what’s the weather this weekend?
ALEXA: It doesn’t matter; you’re not going anywhere.
13) Can everyone please just follow the government instructions so we can knock out this coronavirus and be done!? I feel like a kindergartner who keeps losing more recess time because one or two kids can’t follow directions.
14) I swear my fridge just said, “What the heck do you want now?”
15) When this is over, what meeting do I attend first, Weight Watchers or AA?
16) Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
In the midst of the COVID-19 Crisis, a Mr. Harvey Schwartz exited the Elevator in his High Rise New York City Apartment and with keys in hand, he entered his domicile while mumbling something quite angrily under his breath. His wife heard these profane utterances and asked, "Harvey... For God's Sake... What's bothering you so much, My Dear?"
While taking off his N-95 Mask, he sharply replied, "Aaawww, it's that Goddamned Building Engineer... You know... That Supervisor... that handsome Mr.X... I got caught on the Elevator with him again and I had to listen to that conceited Bastard bragging about,'You know Mr. Schwartz... I get sex from EVERY Woman on this Floor ... Except ONE!'
The frustrated man ranted on by saying, "You know... That Guy does a GREAT JOB around here... but he's just so Damned Conceited!" Suddenly, Harvey's Wife put her arms around him, gave him a comforting kiss on the cheek and blurted out in a whisper, "Not to worry, Honey... Ya know ...it's probably just that Stuck-Up Mrs. Cunningham... down the hall! "
And HERE is what can also happen if we "Get Too Close For COVID...!"
7-year-old throws personal prom for babysitter after hers was canceled
RALEIGH, N.C. - You’re never too young to plan, and then throw, a prom.
A 7-year-old in North Carolina showed his nanny how much she really meant to him by throwing her a private prom. He was reportedly inspired to hold the socially-distant dance after the COVID-19 pandemic upended the young woman’s original prom plans.
Curtis Rogers went two months without seeing his nanny, Rachel Chapman, due to the coronavirus, ABC 11 reports. Rogers described Chapman as “one of the best people I’ve known” and it definitely shows.
After Chapman’s prom was canceled due to the coronavirus pandemic, she was understandably upset. But Rogers' invite lifted her spirits, even though she was momentarily saddened after finally putting on the dress she was supposed to wear to the actual event.
“I was kind of like bummed putting my dress on because I was sad; I don't get to wear it to my senior prom. After leaving it and having that time with him because it was the first time I had seen him in two months, it was like, really fun, and I'm really glad that he did that.”
Rogers was a complete gentleman from the start, Chapman added.
This is what can happen in a Pandemic after 'these careless two' forgot to use their "Quicker-Picker-Uppers" and somehow managed to "Get Together" for a 'ROLL-IN-THE-HAY' back in my Storage Room... Oh Well... Who can be mad after seeing this Happy Couple with their Bouncing Baby Brood?
I'll admit it... I was SHOCKED to discover this had happened around 3 AM this Morning from the sound of the parents and 10 Crying Babies surrounding the Proud Father (and The EXHAUSTED Mother) with their New Brood gathered around them, sporting "Fresh Napkin Diapers, Too..! :>)
God Only Knows how long it will take them to think up Ten Baby Names!