What exactly do you mean here..."ground request". And if possible can you identify exactly what terminal ## are you referring to with this "ground request"?
Both pairs are diagonally opposite each other on the relay.
#87 & #30 are the relay contact set that sends 12 volts down to the starter solenoid in the starter motor. These are the ones you put the jumper wire in. On one of those 2 sockets you should have a path to ground through the starter solenoid and the other will have 12 volts at all times.
# 85 and #86 are the relay coil. These should have 12 volts at one of them if the transmission is in park or neutral and the key is in RUN or START. And the other one goes to the ECM. I think that one would read as an open circuit unless the ECM is grounding it as it is supposed to do in START.
The reason I am concentrating on these circuits is that these are things you can test with your test light. If all this tests OK then what you are left with is BCM (security issue) or as
@Mooseman suggests, a communications issue.
The lack of a check engine light is troubling, particularly if you are certain that it used to work.