Jokes and Riddles

[mrrsm]

After he invented one of the most iconic devices that actually bears his namesake, Thomas Crapper was surprised to find that there were some very unfortunate accidents that occurred just after it was becoming a popular household item that he had not anticipated when he designed the Original Toilet.

On one occasion… a rather Shapely and Hirsute young woman was “Sitting on the Throne” and after finishing her business and pulling on the White Porcelain Flush Chain on the Gravity Water Cabinet just above her head...her smooth, slippery bottom; still wet from bathing, slid around and suddenly dropped into the oval shaped ogive-like hole in the seat like a Cork inside of a Wine Bottle… Whereupon she discovered that her rather Ample Ass was solidly wedged therein.

Naturally, the thoroughly stuck young lady was in such a state of panic, that she carried on with yelling and wall pounding well and truly enough to eventually draw the attention of her husband. Not knowing what to expect… he carefully pushed open the door to the Water Closet and discovered that his young, nude wife was tightly trapped within the Toilet Seat. He quickly sent his son down to the local Scottish Plumber and while he waited, he realized that he would need to afford his lovely spouse some modicum of privacy.

But after covering her Ample Bosom with a small shawl… he realized that for the love of modesty… his wife's Extremely Dark and Very Hairy Pubic Area would likewise need covering. Suddenly, the man's son burst through the front door and yelled out to his father…. “Da' ...The Plooomber's Coomin'...” In his haste to solve the secondary problem of minimizing the woman's embarrassment, the man did what most of us would do under similar circumstances and quickly removed his Bowler Hat and covered his wife's “Precious” with it as best he could.

Within seconds… the Plumber slowly strolled in and after setting his Tool Box down and taking a few studied looks over the scene from left to right and from top to bottom, he stood up and leaned against the door jamb for a moment of reflection. After puffing on his Meerschaum Pipe and thinking for a minute, he smiled broadly and allowed himself a bit of a soft chuckle. Then he suddenly got a very serious look on his weathered face and as he shook his head sadly and looked the husband right in the eye... he said with his deep voice and an even deeper Scottish Brogue,

“Wull…. Ahh cunn save yer Wyfe right wull enuff...Muster Jooonz….”

And as he looked down at the suddenly weeping woman one last time, he pointed at her privates with his pipe stem and said,

“Bu' Tha' Fellurr wi' thuh Derby doon there…. Baaah Gud….Ahmm afrayed tha' he's a Gonner!” and with that said...both men fell out laughing so hard ... that they nearly "Crapped" their pants!

 

[mrrsm]

Back in the early days when the laws mandated that each elevator in the Empire State Building be attended by an employee to work the mechanism and make small talk with the occupants to ease their worried states of mind... a young lad, who was already late for his appointment to see a Dutch Physician named Doctor H. Arted was able to get on board just as the doors were closing. Even though it was fairly crowded...the young man managed to work his way towards the Attendant and while holding his Appointment Card ... He loudly asked,

"Does anybody know what floor Doctor...Uhhhh (and then looking down to get the name on card right, he read)

"Doctor... Hooef Arted?"

 

[HARDTRAILZ]

 

[mrrsm]

An Indian Chief was having problems with his "Dream Catcher" not working so he goes to his Tribe Shaman for help. The Spirit Doctor asks him what his latest dreams have been like. In reply, Chief Horse Feathers says... "Well...it is very strange... because like sometimes...I dream that I am a Wigwam...and sometimes....I dream that I am a Tee-Pee."

The Shaman hands over his Peace Pipe/Hatchet to the Chief and smiles broadly as he says,

"Not to worry....I know EXACTLY what your problem is Chief... You're just a little Two Tents."

 

[mrrsm]

After a fairly hectic game of Squash at a Ritzy "Members Only" Gym, Keenan and Kyle, a pair of well-to-do Divorce Attorneys engaged in some lively banter during a hot shower about how their clientèle are always getting into trouble... and keeping the two men... flush with Green backs and Coin.

Then, a short while later while dressing for the street... Kyle was quite shocked to observe that his friend Keenan was getting all Talcum Powdered up... and struggling mightily while trying to squirm into what was obviously, a Woman's Pink Latex and Lace Panty Girdle. Though quite shocked... Kyle calmly asked Counsellor Keenan,

"Well say Buddy... How long have you been wearing one of THOSE?"

Keenan was keeping up his efforts to get into the damned thing and he answered with a very wan voice,

"Ever since my Wife found it in the God damned Glove box of my Mercedes!"

 

[HARDTRAILZ]

What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look – I’m changing

 

[mrrsm]

A Travelling Salesman was checking in at the Customer Counter at a 5 Star Hotel when he observed the cutest little Pekingese Puppy sitting up demurely in a small sleeper basket on the adjacent counter top. The man asked the Clerk, "That's Pretty Cute...Does your Dog Bite?" The Night manager looked up from his Newspaper and over his Pince nez Glasses and said succinctly,

"Nope"

The Salesman smiled and as soon as he reached towards the animal...it sprang to life at him like a Tasmanian Devil...running up the outside of his arm...and proceeded to make a meal out of the Salesman's ear. After a brief struggle.. in which the winner of this dispute was in doubt... The Salesman finally managed to get the Little Dog to let him go. With heavy breathing, some more bleeding and no small exertion on his part, the Salesman managed to get to his feet.

The expression on the Night Manager's face changed very little as the Salesman railed away at him with, "I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOUR DOG DOES NOT BITE...!"...to which the Night Manager pointed at the innocent looking and whimpering puppy back in the basket and replied,

"That ...is NOT my Dog..."

 

[mrrsm]

The scene of a Three Car Collision was the draw of a lifetime for the usual Gawkers that are the REAL reason that traffic always slows down under such circumstances and seldom because the entire roads are blocked. On this occasion the innocent driver in between the other cars was sitting sideways in his vehicle when one of the passers-by yelled out loudly,

"Hey ...Buddy...Have an Accident?"

To which the Driver replied...

"No Thanks...I've just had one..."

 

[PProph]

A Travelling Salesman was checking in at the Customer Counter at a 5 Star Hotel when he observed the cutest little Pekingese Puppy sitting up demurely in a small sleeper basket on the adjacent counter top. The man asked the Clerk, "That's Pretty Cute...Does your Dog Bite?" The Night manager looked up from his Newspaper and over his Pince nez Glasses and said succinctly,

"Nope"

The Salesman smiled and as soon as he reached towards the animal...it sprang to life at him like a Tasmanian Devil...running up the outside of his arm...and proceeded to make a meal out of the Salesman's ear. After a brief struggle.. in which the winner of this dispute was in doubt... The Salesman finally managed to get the Little Dog to let him go. With heavy breathing, some more bleeding and no small exertion on his part, the Salesman managed to get to his feet.

The expression on the Night Manager's face changed very little as the Salesman railed away at him with, "I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOUR DOG DOES NOT BITE...!"...to which the Night Manager pointed at the innocent looking and whimpering puppy back in the basket and replied,

"That ...is NOT my Dog..."

Peter Sellers classic!

 

[mrrsm]

Once again...”Old Sally” ...one of everyone's Favourite Middle-Aged Bar-Flies… strolled out from the back room of one of her favourite Watering Holes and loosely gestured to the Barman to approach her with caution. She addressed his pregnant look of expectation and surprise that apparently she had spent the night in the back of the bar... with a mixture of,

“For Christ's Sakes...Macalleny... Jesus... God...Don't Look at me like THAT...I can't look THAT Bad” and with an almost exhausted breath, she leaned forward on the bar and while holding her fist in the middle of her giant, drooping breasts… she finished by telling him,

“Macalleney... Just give me a Schlitzweiser ...for my Heartburn!”

He looked askance at the clock to peg the time right at 10:00 AM and then replied,

“Christ...it's Ten in the Morning, Sally...You Poor Thing...You MUST be PARCHED by now...”
and then he added…

”Say… If I'm not mistaken Sally… I thought that your favourite Beer was ButtWeiper… Yes?'

The Care Worn Woman squinted real hard and scowled at him as she grabbed the Beer Mug of Schliztweiser and gulped most of it down with a single swill...and then she replied…

“Ohhhhh God… Jesus...Nooo… Not THAT stuff… “It Makes My PUSSY HURT!”

Macalleny laughed out loud and then worked his Bar Rag in lazy circles ...closer and closer towards the woman and then he whispered to her,

“Sally… Girl...Have you gone...Crazy?... What do mean that it makes your Pussy Hurt?”

She replied with resignation in her Beer Soaked drawl…

“Nope...Never again Macalleny… Never again! Why… I was in here last night when all of my friends in the Poker Room came out and offered to buy me a Ham Sandwich and told me that if I came back there with them...I could have as many Buttweiper Beers as I could drink in 10 minutes… for FREE!... Can you Believe THAT?”

Macalleny was staring at her and chuckled as she finished saying…

“Well...MAC...You know how good those Old Boys are to me?...and so I kind of lost count around 8 minutes later and then… When I woke up on your couch back there this morning… I could hardly walk for having such a sore PUSSY… So Nooooo… Noooo By God… No more Buttweiper Beer for ME… Now... let me have one more Schlitzweiser, will ya'...huh?”

 

[HARDTRAILZ]

 

[mrrsm]

A Young Military Man… Fresh out of the service and recently married is having the inevitable heated “Who's Gonna Be In Charge Here...” talk with his wife.. and when the discussion seems at an impasse, he suggests that his diminutive Blushing Bride follow him into the bedroom. After she sits down demurely at the foot of the bed… her New Husband pulls out a freshly laundered pair of trousers and after handing them over to her, he says,

“Here Baby… Put these on...” The confused girl looks up at him as he shakes out the pants and repeats… “Come on Baby… PUT THEM ON!"

Half-heartedly.. the woman struggles with getting her tiny stems all the way down inside each huge pants leg and when she stands up... swimming in the middle of them, she says to him,

“Honey...What are you doing this for? These would NEVER fit me…!”

His instant retort was, “That's RIGHT, Baby…. And they NEVER will... because I WEAR THE PANTS IN THIS FAMILY…!”

After climbing out of the Pup Tent sized pants ...the woman goes to her own Dresser and pulls out a Pair of her Black Bikini Panties...and hands them over to her New Man and quietly suggests, “Here Honey… Why don't you try THESE on...?” while waving them in his face.

To be fair under the circumstances… the man immediately “Drops Trow...” and after trying mightily to first get one leg inside and then the other...as he struggles to pull them up onto his upper legs...he exclaims,

“I CAN'T GET INTO THESE PANTIES...”

To which she replies…“That's Right ...Big Boy...and YOU ARE NOT GOING TO... until you see things ...MY WAY!”

 

[mrrsm]

There Once was a Plumber Named Lee,
Who was “Plumbing” this Broad by The Sea.
When She heard his Heart "Drumming",
She thought, “Someone's Coming!”
But the only one “Cumming”… was HE.

Said a Dad to his Lad,
“Listen, Son...”
“Don't Pull It... You've Only Got One...”
“But When You Get Older…, and a Little Bit Bolder”
“Let the Girls do it Son… Its More Fun!”

 

[HARDTRAILZ]

 

[mrrsm]

There was a Young Sailor from Brighton,
Who said to his Girl, "You've a Tight One!"
She proclaimed "Oh My Soul...
...You're In The Wrong Hole!...
...But there's Plenty of Room in the Right One!"

 

[HARDTRAILZ]

 

[HARDTRAILZ]

A high school teacher was arrested today at Toronto Pearson Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a press conference, Premier Kathleen Wynne said she believes the man is a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement. She did not identify the man, who has been charged by the RCMP with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

‘Al-Gebra is a problem for us’, the Premier said. ‘They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like “X” and “Y” and refer to themselves as “unknowns”; but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, “There are three sides to every triangle.”’

When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister Trudeau said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”

Fellow Liberal colleagues told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by any Prime Minister.

 

[mrrsm]

Big Trapper Drake had just finished a late run on his Trap Lines and practically knocked the giant split-log doors off of their hinges when he burst right into “The Pig-and-A-Poke” Saloon out of a Howling Blizzard. Pell Mell… He approached the Bar and collapsed with gasp that was almost a whisper…

“Bar Keep… Gimme a Shot of Rot-Gut Whiskey in a Tall Dirty Glass N' then bring me some Chow with a Big Pot of HOT Coffee...” and with that said, he dropped a handful of Gold Nuggets the size of Goose Eggs down on the bar… and he sat right down. A few minutes later… as Drake began to warm up, fill his belly...and come back to life… He heard a few voices rising over where the Piano Player sat in line with his back to the end of the bar. The men there were exhorting the Piano Man to play their requests while he repeatedly chastised them to keep pouring in an ounce of Gold Dust onto his Weigh Scale sitting on top of his Piano for each and every song they wanted played.

The hungry Drake chewed his Buffalo Steak slowly and deliberately while lubricating his throat with big gulps of Hot Coffee. Soon enough… The Piano Player must have been satisfied with their offerings and he began playing their songs; one after the other for around ten or fifteen minutes. By then, Drake was getting Full of Beef and with his thirst slaked… he seemed to nod in time with the Piano Tune and was almost asleep… when suddenly...He spied some motion out of the corner of his left eye that gave him quite start.

As looked up, he could see a Chimpanzee almost as big as an Ape leap up from behind the Piano onto the Bar and while dragging a fairly sturdy length of Wrought Iron Chain manacled to his short, thick and hairy leg… Drake watched him run all the way down the entire length of the Bar and without so much as “By-Your-Leave”… The Simian Brute turned around, putting his pasty Red, White and Blue Ass... right in Drake's Face...and then...to add insult to injury… The Monkey Dropped his Baseball Sized Cock-Head ...right down inside Drake's Last Hot Cup of Coffee. Instantly thereafter… The Chimp pulled out his steaming hot Monkey Pecker and with a loud Hoot 'n a Holler… The Beast ran right back down the Bar Top, with Chain in Tow...and leaped over the head of the Piano Player, who didn't miss a note as once again.. the Huge Critter disappeared back down behind the Piano.

Well… of course, Drake didn't know whether he was more Pissed Off than he was Surprised. But nonetheless, he had no intention of taking THIS insult while he was sitting down. Right then, Drake lurched up to his feet and while the Saloon did likewise if only to get out of the Angry Man's way. He then dropped his Bearskin Fur Coat on the Saloon Floor and quick as Boiled Asparagus, he jerked out a pair of heavy of Colt Navy Dragoon .45 Calibre Pistols with Rosewood and Pearl Inlay Hand Grips and swiftly cocked back the hammers on both guns… then Drake stormed over to the Piano Player, with both pistol barrels pointed at the Musician and he yelled out,

“SAY MISTER… DO YOU KNOW...

....YOUR MONKEY DUNKED HIS DICK-HEAD IN MY DRINK…?”

Without losing time while he kept on playing… The Piano Man yelled Back…

“NO SIR… BUT ...
...FOR AN OUNCE A' GOLD DUST…
...IF YOU'LL HUM A FEW BARS…. I THINK I CAN FAKE IT!”

 

[HARDTRAILZ]

Yo mama so poor her idea of a fortune cookie is a tortilla with a foodstamp.

 

[mrrsm]

A Fat Lady went off to "Mass"
Praying for her Lost Cat, but alas
When she went to The Shitter
She Found The Dead Critter
Wedged Deep in the Crack of her Ass!

(Now Don't Yell at Me... For Supporting AC)

A Time Traveller Hailing from Kent,
Was Jerking Off Fast in his Tent.
But his Time Machine Broke
On his Very Last Stroke…
So Instead of Cumming… He Went!

Variation on a Limerick Theme...

A Gifted Young Lad from Brent
Had A Pecker so long, that it Bent
And as he got Older
It Reached over his Shoulder
So instead of Cumming... He Went!

Ichthyologist's Textbook Definition of a Sardine:
Sardina pilchardus
"...It's a Little Fish... that Smells Like a Finger..."

 

[HARDTRAILZ]

 

[dkvasnicka]

 

[HARDTRAILZ]

 

[Mooseman]

A touching story on how men think ……

As she sat by him, he whispered, his eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side...

You know what Martha?"

"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I'm beginning to think you're fucking bad luck."

 

[Mooseman]

The REAL definition of tools:

Can you relate to any of these definitions?

Definitions:

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching a flat metal bar out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained table you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned guitar calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Yeowww …"

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the worse the cut becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES:
Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS:
Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16" or 1/2" socket you've been searching for, for the last 45 minutes.

TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4:
Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.

TWEEZERS:
A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:
A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2" x 24" SCREWDRIVER:
A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS:
See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT:
The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate pop up ads appear on a computer screen. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

AIR COMPRESSOR:
A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts which were last over tightened 30 years ago by someone at Ford, and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts.

AIR RATCHET:
A device that smashes your knuckles once a nut or bolt is completely tightened.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit, primarily used to make gaping holes in walls when hanging pictures.

CENTER PUNCH:
A pointy chisel that locates a starting point, for drilling, everywhere but in the center.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

 

[fletch09]

GOT MY CONCEALED CARRY PERMIT YESTERDAY
Yesterday afternoon I went to our local gun shop to get a small handgun for personal protection.
When I was ready to pay for the pistol and ammo, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me.”
Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did as she instructed.
After the hysterical shrieking stopped, I learned that she was telling me how to place my credit card in the card reader.
I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

 

[Redbeard]

You just KNOW ford is serious about getting home.

redbeard

 

[Redbeard]

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: “Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.”

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion.

Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an “A” when he had barely written anything at all.

His answer consisted of two words: “What chair?”

 

[DAlastDON]

Why did tigger stick his head in the toilet?

Spoiler: Answer

He was looking for pooh.

 

[Mooseman]

If you were around in 1919 and came upon the following poster

I mean,seriously, wouldn't you just keep drinking?

 

[Wooluf1952]

If you were around in 1919 and came upon the following poster

I mean,seriously, wouldn't you just keep drinking?

Or start drinking.

 

[Redbeard]

When only synthetic grease will do.

 

[fletch09]

A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his unholstered pistol and yelled,
"I have a 45 caliber Colt 1911 with a seven round magazine plus one in the chamber and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife."

A voice from the back of the room called out,
"You need more ammo!”
------------------------------------------------------------

 

[HARDTRAILZ]

 

[Redbeard]

A redneck family went to the city where they visited a mall for the first time in their lives.

The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, especially two shiny, silver doors that moved apart and then slid back together again.

The boy asked, “Pa, what’s that?” The father responded, “Son, I dunno. I ain’t never seen anything like that in my whole life. I ain’t got no idea what it is.”

While the boy and his father watched in amazement, a heavyset, wrinkled old woman in a wheelchair rolled up to the doors and pressed a button.

The walls opened and she rolled into a small room.

The walls then closed behind her. The rednecks were still staring a minute later, when the doors opened up again and a gorgeous, buxom, young blonde woman stepped out.

The father snapped, “Son, go get your mother!”

 

[HARDTRAILZ]

 

[Redbeard]

Bet you didn't know this..

"Dammit I'm Mad"

Is

"Dammit I'm Mad"

Spelled backwards

 

[fletch09]

I'm so angry right now !!!!!!!! I had to leave the house to run to the store to pick up a few things.
I run my errand and I go back home. There are 4 police cars in the back of my house and 6 police officers in my home. The front door had been knocked off the hinges, stuff everywhere, and apparently they were looking for something. So I'm stuck outside with this police officer and they are inside searching through everything, even our laundry. They checked inside the closets under my mattress. They tore my things apart. So, as you can imagine, I'm getting upset, and I'm trying figure out what's going on.
I asked if they had a search warrant, and if I could see it. The cop in my bedroom yells, "Where did you hide it at? We know it's here! We are searching."
Then I yell back, "If I had an idea of what you're looking for sir, maybe I could help!" He shoots me the "you wanna go to jail?" look, so I shut up and watch one of the other police officers look down at his phone.
Then he shouts, "Guys Stop! Hold on. We're in the wrong house! The Pokémon is next door!"

If you fell for this, like I did, Don't take life too seriously, and enjoy your day!

 

[Blackwater]

What do you call a Amish man with his hand in a horses mouth?

 

[Wooluf1952]

What do you call a Amish man with his hand in a horses mouth?

Is this a rhetorical question? Or did you forget the answer?