Funny craigslist ad

HARDTRAILZ

Moderator
Nov 18, 2011
49,665




http://sacramento.craigslist.org/cto/4617120182.html

I should start by saying that if you are looking for a Pajama party Barbie Toyota you my friend, should keep looking. If you are looking for a short description of to the beast before you, I can offer you two words "MEAT & POTATOES" This is the All American chariot of the free world.


You are not dealing with any ordinary, cookie cutter Toyota son. This thing was forged from a single block of Japanese Tungsten Steel. Real sturdy! From that day forward my life has never been the same. Winch yourself off that couch and see if you can handle this 87 toyota xtra cab rock crawler.



This babys pulse is pumping 2.2liters of uncensored raw fuel through her 4 cylinder nuclear power plant. And rest assured this is no metro feminine automatic. . .you command her to obey, with your calloused hand planted firmly on the shifter. And she will obey, the first time, every time. If you can't handle your stick shifter, or reach the clutch pedal, you better not ferry skip over here wanting to test drive her. If you stall her out, you can count on getting hit in the face with a piece of re-bar and sent back where you came from.


It has A/C but are you kidding me?Really! If you want to blow the sweat off your brow, you do it the old fashioned way: doors off. "What if it rains?"�. . .You whiney bitch! I told you to stop reading. . . Any man who drives this beast doesnt give a damn about rain. Not even skin melting acid rain, Cause he's already dripping wet in blood, sweat, dip spit, and fish guts.


If you are looking for the kind of yota that has to be pansy parked in the garage, so the carpet doesnt get wet and soggy! Then you should plant your Obama sticker on some american piece of ######. Cause this thing has drain holes in the floor and rhino lined to let the blood drain out from the buffalo you just killed, with your bare hands. Because you are William Wallace from Braveheart and when you get home you can leave your sissy sponge glove car wash kit� in the pink bucket it came in. Go ahead and spark up your 6000 psi heated pressure washer on the dually trailer in your man cave, cause you are Tim Gillespie and you can pressure wash your truck on the inside. She's got rhino lined floors with a full roll cage in case that buffalo comes back to life while youre doing 80 over some mountain pass or flooded river.


If you're thinking about Mexican chrome bumpers for her, think again. The bumper bashers come hand forged in a blacksmith shop in Franklin County over a wood burnin fire, out of 4 inch well casing, and railroad tracks and then I welded em to the damn chassis. That way if you get deployed you can piggy back this war wagon on a deuce and a half and chain her down tight from the four corners, so you dont lose her when your convoy gets hit by a taliband roadside suicide bomber.


And forget about putting one of those "it's a Toyota Thing. . .You wouldn't understand" stickers on this machine cause when you're spotted in this yota there will be no questions, no further explanation required, people will understand and get out of your way. . real quick.


If you think you're ready to park this panty hauler on your tract of land. If you buy this rock crawler you better go get your old lady ready for some damn changes around your lair, cause this ###### will be happening. What will be Happening? Glad you asked..


1. More chest hair.

2. You're growing a beard.

3. Meat Only Diet.

4. T-Rex for a pet.

5. You're taking a job at the lumber mill.

6. Your car carries five kegs.

7. Penis enlargement.

8. Catch more fish.

9. Wire bristled toothbrush.

10. Sex in the yard.

11. Sex in the garage.

12. All male offspring.

13. Chiseled jaw line.

14. Not giving a damn.

15. Flesh turning to steel.

16. Higher salary

17. Promotions.

18. Better looking wives.

19. Better looking mistresses.

20. More golfing

21. More killing stuff.

22. More dead animals in the KITCHEN freezer.

23. More tools in your garage.

24. Bigger TV

25. Wife takes out the trash

26. Four Wheel Drive

27. Wife brings trash can in from road.

28. Wife stops bitching about clothes on floor.

29. Wife stocks fridge with beer.

30. Chuck Norris.

31. John McCain

32. Steaks for dinner.

33. Winning the Lottery.

34. Women on the side.

35. Wrestling with bea

36. Building ###### out of stone.

37. Riding Lawn Mower.

38. Bon Fires in cul-de-sac.

39. Bar Fights.

40. Wife picks you up from Thee Gentlemens Club.

41. Craftsman Tools.

42. Jay Bisset.

43. Welding stuff.

44. Digging holes.

45. Huge Piece of meat.


Put your GPS back in your purse.


Sounds good doesn't it?


This crawler has carried me through 155,000 miles of battlefield twice as gruesome as the second half of the movie "300". . ..And just like a trusty steed this juggernaut has never left me stranded. If you think youve worn her out you drag this beast back to me in any condition. And Ill handle the rest.


But if you think youre going to get to whip this mule you better pony up Sixty Five Hundred Dollars. . .American Cash. I'm not selling you this car unless you are clearly a pure blooded American Species, so don'teven think about it.

 

Hatchet

Member
Nov 21, 2011
2,405
So when are you picking it up?
 

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