Jokes and Riddles
- Thread starter DucatiSS
- Start date
A female decided to go on a joy ride with a New Amazon/Rivian EDV (Electric Delivery Vehicle)... She didnt make it far..
And yes, that is a female, going to the Steve Urkel Look...
And yes, that is a female, going to the Steve Urkel Look...
Mooseman
Moderator
I'm Sorry...But... I JUST CANNOT STOP LAUGHING AT THIS...
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Mooseman
Moderator
She must be the sister of the girl that used to work here. Probably just as useless too.
I wonder what she'll think if she ever has kids, along with a full time job.
THAT is among the many OTHER complaints she ran down in her Repertoire of Regrets... since at the time of this Tik-Tok...She was not dating and ergo...NO BOYFRIEND... or we would have heard her complaining about him, too... LOL
northcreek
Member
The Greatest Generation folks have to be rolling in their graves, OMG ! Watch the nightly news Miss….People are being bombed in their homes.
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With Daylight savings time coming to an end tonight, might someone tell Cher, who sings "if I could turn back time", that it's that time of year where she can Turn Back Time. I believe she has missed it for the past 34 years.
for the rest of us we probably don't need the reminder to set our clocks back
for the rest of us we probably don't need the reminder to set our clocks back
with Thanksgiving just over a week away, Dagwood has something to say...
Re: Post #1181... Cher may have *missed* DST over the past 37 Years...BUT...They Did NOT *miss" hitting HER...
New Subject:
Two Security Experts are sitting in a Las Vegas Bar after giving Long Lectures at a Hotel Security Training Conference when the One Dude asks the Other...
"So ... What did YOU do to get the Attention of YOUR Audience after the Fourth Hour of Training to get past Full Bellies and Sneaked-In ABEVs ...and Soundly Sleeping Snores?"
The Other stared at his empty shot glass and as he squinted wryly at the One Dude, replied:
"Oh... Just my Usual "GOTCHA" Question...
The One Dude answered back with a Question...
"GOTCHA" Question...? Which One is THAT?"
The Other kept on smiling while answering with:
"What is the Fastest Way to Figure out Whether or Not your Conversation inside of any Building is being Surreptitiously... Live Recorded?"
The One Dude sat straight up and looked into his own image reflecting off the Wall Mirror, surprised at his own puzzled expression and replied:
"Well... Hell... I can think of a Whole Lotta ways to do..."
The Other interrupted the One Dude, stating firmly:
"Nope. Just ONE Best Way..."
The One Dude said with disappointment:
"Shee-It"... Hell... I Don't Know ...I Can't Think of Any 'One Best Way' to...
Then the Other quickly interjected loudly:
"Alexa... Order Five Tons of Cream Corn.... Alexa.... Confirm Order..."
The One Dude busted out laughing and then:
Ten Seconds later... these two were unceremoniously ...ejected from the Bar.
As they crossed the roadway to walk back to their Hotel...the Other Dude smiled at the One Dude and said:
"GOTCHA..."
New Subject:
Two Security Experts are sitting in a Las Vegas Bar after giving Long Lectures at a Hotel Security Training Conference when the One Dude asks the Other...
"So ... What did YOU do to get the Attention of YOUR Audience after the Fourth Hour of Training to get past Full Bellies and Sneaked-In ABEVs ...and Soundly Sleeping Snores?"
The Other stared at his empty shot glass and as he squinted wryly at the One Dude, replied:
"Oh... Just my Usual "GOTCHA" Question...
The One Dude answered back with a Question...
"GOTCHA" Question...? Which One is THAT?"
The Other kept on smiling while answering with:
"What is the Fastest Way to Figure out Whether or Not your Conversation inside of any Building is being Surreptitiously... Live Recorded?"
The One Dude sat straight up and looked into his own image reflecting off the Wall Mirror, surprised at his own puzzled expression and replied:
"Well... Hell... I can think of a Whole Lotta ways to do..."
The Other interrupted the One Dude, stating firmly:
"Nope. Just ONE Best Way..."
The One Dude said with disappointment:
"Shee-It"... Hell... I Don't Know ...I Can't Think of Any 'One Best Way' to...
Then the Other quickly interjected loudly:
"Alexa... Order Five Tons of Cream Corn.... Alexa.... Confirm Order..."
The One Dude busted out laughing and then:
Ten Seconds later... these two were unceremoniously ...ejected from the Bar.
As they crossed the roadway to walk back to their Hotel...the Other Dude smiled at the One Dude and said:
"GOTCHA..."
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flyboy2610
Member
The Rolling Stones sang the hit song "Time Is On My Side".
You seen Mick Jagger lately? I don't think that's working out too well for HIM!
And look who's sponsoring their next tour: (I also noticed it wasn't a life insurance company. lol.)
Rolling Stones to hit the road in 2024 on a tour sponsored by AARP...seriously.
Rolling Stones to hit the road in 2024 on a tour sponsored by AARP...seriously
After 60 years, The Rolling Stones are still going strong and gearing up for another concert tour next year.
www.abcactionnews.com
Photo by: Scott Heppell/AP
FILE - Ronnie Wood, left, Mick Jagger, center, and Keith Richards, of the Rolling Stones play on stage at the Anfield stadium in Liverpool, England, during a concert as part of their "Sixty" European tour, Thursday, June 9, 2022. The Rolling Stones canceled their concert in Amsterdam Monday just hours before it was due to start after lead singer Mick Jagger tested positive for COVID-19. The band announced the cancelation in a statement, saying the 78-year-old Jagger tested positive “after experiencing symptoms of COVID upon arrival at the stadium” on the outskirts of Amsterdam. (AP Photo/Scott Heppell, File)
By: CNN
Posted at 6:31 PM, Nov 21, 2023
and last updated 5:31 PM, Nov 21, 2023
LONDON — After 60 years, The Rolling Stones are still going strong and gearing up for another concert tour.
The legendary rock band – featuring Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, and Ronnie Wood – will embark on the “Hackney Diamonds” tour in support of their recent album of the same name, a press release shared with CNN on Tuesday announced.
The North American tour will include stops in both the US and Canada, with their first concert slated for April 28, 2024, in Houston and a final show scheduled for July 17 in Santa Clara, California.
The tour is being sponsored by the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP).
You just can't make this stuff up.
I asked my dad what his favorite joke was.
He said, "I can't pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!"
He said, "I can't pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!"
The Camera Fades In on a Bewildered Man sitting in front of his Laptop Computer... looking feverishly at THIS Image:
Meanwhile, as his Wife is performing her usual "R&R" on the poor fellow (Ranting & Raving)... He suddenly looks down and begins Typing furiously upon his Keyboard. When she catches a glimpse of his activity, she stops yelling and points at his screen, blurting out,
"WHY? Why are you Typing in EVERYTHING that I have JUST been telling you...?"
He leans back in his chair ...and with a dulcet tone in his voice says, "Well...My Dear... I'm JUST trying to get some help in figuring out ... EXACTLY... WTF it is that you are talking about!"
Meanwhile, as his Wife is performing her usual "R&R" on the poor fellow (Ranting & Raving)... He suddenly looks down and begins Typing furiously upon his Keyboard. When she catches a glimpse of his activity, she stops yelling and points at his screen, blurting out,
"WHY? Why are you Typing in EVERYTHING that I have JUST been telling you...?"
He leans back in his chair ...and with a dulcet tone in his voice says, "Well...My Dear... I'm JUST trying to get some help in figuring out ... EXACTLY... WTF it is that you are talking about!"
Mooseman
Moderator
Near me is a small chain of convenience stores with a small hardware store inside. This is the first advertisment I have ever seen anyone claiming to sell "Doohickies". But I would still like to know where the "watch-a-ma-call its" are sold.
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Mooseman
Moderator
northcreek
Member
Last idea for 2023:
At one minute before midnight raise your LEFT foot off the floor, so that at the stroke of midnight you will Start our 2024 on the Right Foot.
At one minute before midnight raise your LEFT foot off the floor, so that at the stroke of midnight you will Start our 2024 on the Right Foot.
Why doesn't the like button have a facepalm option?Last idea for 2023:
At one minute before midnight raise your LEFT foot off the floor, so that at the stroke of midnight you will Start our 2024 on the Right Foot.
New Math:
Did you know ten plus ten is equal to eleven plus eleven? Why you ask, because ten plus ten equals twenty and 11 + 11 equals twenty to.
Now we can understand why the younger generation ain't so great at math
Did you know ten plus ten is equal to eleven plus eleven? Why you ask, because ten plus ten equals twenty and 11 + 11 equals twenty to.
Now we can understand why the younger generation ain't so great at math
flyboy2610
Member
Maybe they've been watching too much Ma & Pa Kettle.New Math:
Did you know ten plus ten is equal to eleven plus eleven? Why you ask, because ten plus ten equals twenty and 11 + 11 equals twenty to.
Now we can understand why the younger generation ain't so great at math
.
I suspect I will be getting into trouble when I use this line on the mrs. the next time we go out to eat.
I suspect I will be getting into trouble when I use this line on the mrs. the next time we go out to eat.
northcreek
Member
